Beppo

1. 1'Tis known, at least it should be, that throughout
2. 2All countries of the Catholic persuasion,
3. 3Some weeks before Shrove Tuesday comes about,
4. 4The People take their fill of recreation,
5. 5And buy repentance, ere they grow devout,
6. 6However high their rank, or low their station,
7. 7With fiddling, feasting, dancing, drinking, masquing,
8. 8And other things which may be had for asking.

1. 9The moment night with dusky mantle covers
2. 10The skies (and the more duskily the better),
3. 11The Time less liked by husbands than by lovers
4. 12Begins, and Prudery flings aside her fetter;
5. 13And Gaiety on restless tiptoe hovers,
6. 14Giggling with all the gallants who beset her;
7. 15And there are songs and quavers, roaring, humming,
8. 16Guitars, and every other sort of strumming.

1. 17And there are dresses splendid, but fantastical,
2. 18Masks of all times and nations, Turks and Jews,
3. 19And harlequins and clowns, with feats gymnastical,
4. 20Greeks, Romans, Yankee-doodles, and Hindoos;
5. 21All kinds of dress, except the ecclesiastical,
6. 22All people, as their fancies hit, may choose,
7. 23But no one in these parts may quiz the Clergy,--
8. 24Therefore take heed, ye Freethinkers! I charge ye.

1. 25You'd better walk about begirt with briars,
2. 26Instead of coat and smallclothes, than put on
3. 27A single stitch reflecting upon friars,
4. 28Although you swore it only was in fun;
5. 29They'd haul you o'er the coals, and stir the fires
6. 30Of Phlegethon with every mother's son,
7. 31Nor say one mass to cool the cauldron's bubble
8. 32That boiled your bones, unless you paid them double.

1. 33But saving this, you may put on whate'er
2. 34You like by way of doublet, cape, or cloak,
3. 35Such as in Monmouth-street, or in Rag Fair,
4. 36Would rig you out in seriousness or joke;
5. 37And even in Italy such places are,
6. 38With prettier name in softer accents spoke,
7. 39For, bating Covent Garden, I can hit on
8. 40No place that's called "Piazza" in Great Britain.

1. 41This feast is named the Carnival, which being
2. 42Interpreted, implies "farewell to flesh:"
3. 43So called, because the name and thing agreeing,
4. 44Through Lent they live on fish both salt and fresh.
5. 45But why they usher Lent with so much glee in,
6. 46Is more than I can tell, although I guess
7. 47'Tis as we take a glass with friends at parting,
8. 48In the Stage-Coach or Packet, just at starting.

1. 49And thus they bid farewell to carnal dishes,
2. 50And solid meats, and highly spiced ragouts,
3. 51To live for forty days on ill-dressed fishes,
4. 52Because they have no sauces to their stews;
5. 53A thing which causes many "poohs" and "pishes,"
6. 54And several oaths (which would not suit the Muse),
7. 55From travellers accustomed from a boy
8. 56To eat their salmon, at the least, with soy;

1. 57And therefore humbly I would recommend
2. 58"The curious in fish-sauce," before they cross
3. 59The sea, to bid their cook, or wife, or friend,
4. 60Walk or ride to the Strand, and buy in gross
5. 61(Or if set out beforehand, these may send
6. 62By any means least liable to loss),
7. 63Ketchup, Soy, Chili-vinegar, and Harvey,
8. 64Or, by the Lord! a Lent will well nigh starve ye;

1. 65That is to say, if your religion's Roman,
2. 66And you at Rome would do as Romans do,
3. 67According to the proverb,--although no man,
4. 68If foreign, is obliged to fast; and you,
5. 69If Protestant, or sickly, or a woman,
6. 70Would rather dine in sin on a ragout--
7. 71Dine and be d--d! I don't mean to be coarse,
8. 72But that's the penalty, to say no worse.

1. 73Of all the places where the Carnival
2. 74Was most facetious in the days of yore,
3. 75For dance, and song, and serenade, and ball,
4. 76And Masque, and Mime, and Mystery, and more
5. 77Than I have time to tell now, or at all,
6. 78Venice the bell from every city bore,--
7. 79And at the moment when I fix my story,
8. 80That sea-born city was in all her glory.

1. 81They've pretty faces yet, those same Venetians,
2. 82Black eyes, arched brows, and sweet expressions still;
3. 83Such as of old were copied from the Grecians,
4. 84In ancient arts by moderns mimicked ill;
5. 85And like so many Venuses of Titian's
6. 86(The best's at Florence--see it, if ye will,)
7. 87They look when leaning over the balcony,
8. 88Or stepped from out a picture by Giorgione,

1. 89Whose tints are Truth and Beauty at their best;
2. 90And when you to Manfrini's palace go,
3. 91That picture (howsoever fine the rest)
4. 92Is loveliest to my mind of all the show;
5. 93It may perhaps be also to your zest,
6. 94And that's the cause I rhyme upon it so:
7. 95Tis but a portrait of his Son, and Wife,
8. 96And self; but such a Woman! Love in life!

1. 97Love in full life and length, not love ideal,
2. 98No, nor ideal beauty, that fine name,
3. 99But something better still, so very real,
4. 100That the sweet Model must have been the same;
5. 101A thing that you would purchase, beg, or steal,
6. 102Wer't not impossible, besides a shame:
7. 103The face recalls some face, as 'twere with pain,
8. 104You once have seen, but ne'er will see again;

1. 105One of those forms which flit by us, when we
2. 106Are young, and fix our eyes on every face;
3. 107And, oh! the Loveliness at times we see
4. 108In momentary gliding, the soft grace,
5. 109The Youth, the Bloom, the Beauty which agree,
6. 110In many a nameless being we retrace,
7. 111Whose course and home we knew not, nor shall know,
8. 112Like the lost Pleiad seen no more below.

1. 113I said that like a picture by Giorgione
2. 114Venetian women were, and so they are,
3. 115Particularly seen from a balcony,
4. 116(For beauty's sometimes best set off afar)
5. 117And there, just like a heroine of Goldoni,[202A]
6. 118They peep from out the blind, or o'er the bar;
7. 119And truth to say, they're mostly very pretty,
8. 120And rather like to show it, more's the pity!

1. 121For glances beget ogles, ogles sighs,
2. 122Sighs wishes, wishes words, and words a letter,
3. 123Which flies on wings of light-heeled Mercuries,
4. 124Who do such things because they know no better;
5. 125And then, God knows what mischief may arise,
6. 126When Love links two young people in one fetter,
7. 127Vile assignations, and adulterous beds,
8. 128Elopements, broken vows, and hearts, and heads.

1. 129Shakspeare described the sex in Desdemona
2. 130As very fair, but yet suspect in fame,[202B]
3. 131And to this day from Venice to Verona
4. 132Such matters may be probably the same,
5. 133Except that since those times was never known a
6. 134Husband whom mere suspicion could inflame
7. 135To suffocate a wife no more than twenty,
8. 136Because she had a "Cavalier Servente."

1. 137Their jealousy (if they are ever jealous)
2. 138Is of a fair complexion altogether,
3. 139Not like that sooty devil of Othello's,
4. 140Which smothers women in a bed of feather,
5. 141But worthier of these much more jolly fellows,
6. 142When weary of the matrimonial tether
7. 143His head for such a wife no mortal bothers,
8. 144But takes at once another, or another's.

1. 145Didst ever see a Gondola? For fear
2. 146You should not, I'll describe it you exactly:
3. 147'Tis a long covered boat that's common here,
4. 148Carved at the prow, built lightly, but compactly,
5. 149Rowed by two rowers, each call'd "Gondolier,"
6. 150It glides along the water looking blackly,
7. 151Just like a coffin clapt in a canoe,
8. 152Where none can make out what you say or do.

1. 153And up and down the long canals they go,
2. 154And under the Rialto shoot along,
3. 155By night and day, all paces, swift or slow,
4. 156And round the theatres, a sable throng,
5. 157They wait in their dusk livery of woe,--
6. 158But not to them do woeful things belong,
7. 159For sometimes they contain a deal of fun,
8. 160Like mourning coaches when the funeral's done.

1. 161But to my story.--'Twas some years ago,
2. 162It may be thirty, forty, more or less,
3. 163The Carnival was at its height, and so
4. 164Were all kinds of buffoonery and dress;
5. 165A certain lady went to see the show,
6. 166Her real name I know not, nor can guess,
7. 167And so we'll call her Laura, if you please,
8. 168Because it slips into my verse with ease.

1. 169She was not old, nor young, nor at the years
2. 170Which certain people call a "certain age,"
3. 171Which yet the most uncertain age appears,
4. 172Because I never heard, nor could engage
5. 173A person yet by prayers, or bribes, or tears,
6. 174To name, define by speech, or write on page,
7. 175The period meant precisely by that word,--
8. 176Which surely is exceedingly absurd.

1. 177Laura was blooming still, had made the best
2. 178Of Time, and Time returned the compliment,
3. 179And treated her genteelly, so that, dressed,
4. 180She looked extremely well where'er she went;
5. 181A pretty woman is a welcome guest,
6. 182And Laura's brow a frown had rarely bent;
7. 183Indeed, she shone all smiles, and seemed to flatter
8. 184Mankind with her black eyes for looking at her.

1. 185She was a married woman; 'tis convenient,
2. 186Because in Christian countries 'tis a rule
3. 187To view their little slips with eyes more lenient;
4. 188Whereas if single ladies play the fool,
5. 189(Unless within the period intervenient
6. 190A well-timed wedding makes the scandal cool)
7. 191I don't know how they ever can get over it,
8. 192Except they manage never to discover it.

1. 193Her husband sailed upon the Adriatic,
2. 194And made some voyages, too, in other seas,
3. 195And when he lay in Quarantine for pratique
4. 196(A forty days' precaution 'gainst disease),
5. 197His wife would mount, at times, her highest attic,
6. 198For thence she could discern the ship with ease:
7. 199He was a merchant trading to Aleppo,
8. 200His name Giuseppe, called more briefly, Beppo.

1. 201He was a man as dusky as a Spaniard,
2. 202Sunburnt with travel, yet a portly figure;
3. 203Though coloured, as it were, within a tanyard,
4. 204He was a person both of sense and vigour--
5. 205A better seaman never yet did man yard;
6. 206And she, although her manners showed no rigour,
7. 207Was deemed a woman of the strictest principle,
8. 208So much as to be thought almost invincible.

1. 209But several years elapsed since they had met;
2. 210Some people thought the ship was lost, and some
3. 211That he had somehow blundered into debt,
4. 212And did not like the thought of steering home;
5. 213And there were several offered any bet,
6. 214Or that he would, or that he would not come;
7. 215For most men (till by losing rendered sager)
8. 216Will back their own opinions with a wager.

1. 217'Tis said that their last parting was pathetic,
2. 218As partings often are, or ought to be,
3. 219And their presentiment was quite prophetic,
4. 220That they should never more each other see,
5. 221(A sort of morbid feeling, half poetic,
6. 222Which I have known occur in two or three,)
7. 223When kneeling on the shore upon her sad knee
8. 224He left this Adriatic Ariadne.

1. 225And Laura waited long, and wept a little,
2. 226And thought of wearing weeds, as well she might;
3. 227She almost lost all appetite for victual,
4. 228And could not sleep with ease alone at night;
5. 229She deemed the window-frames and shutters brittle
6. 230Against a daring housebreaker or sprite,
7. 231And so she thought it prudent to connect her
8. 232With a vice-husband, chiefly to protect her.

1. 233She chose, (and what is there they will not choose,
2. 234If only you will but oppose their choice?)
3. 235Till Beppo should return from his long cruise,
4. 236And bid once more her faithful heart rejoice,
5. 237A man some women like, and yet abuse--
6. 238A Coxcomb was he by the public voice;
7. 239A Count of wealth, they said as well as quality,
8. 240And in his pleasures of great liberality.

1. 241And then he was a Count, and then he knew
2. 242Music, and dancing, fiddling, French and Tuscan;
3. 243The last not easy, be it known to you,
4. 244For few Italians speak the right Etruscan.
5. 245He was a critic upon operas, too,
6. 246And knew all niceties of sock and buskin;
7. 247And no Venetian audience could endure a
8. 248Song, scene, or air, when he cried "seccatura!"

1. 249His "bravo" was decisive, for that sound
2. 250Hushed "Academie" sighed in silent awe;
3. 251The fiddlers trembled as he looked around,
4. 252For fear of some false note's detected flaw;
5. 253The "Prima Donna's" tuneful heart would bound,
6. 254Dreading the deep damnation of his "Bah!"
7. 255Soprano, Basso, even the Contra-Alto,
8. 256Wished him five fathom under the Rialto.

1. 257He patronised the Improvisatori,
2. 258Nay, could himself extemporise some stanzas,
3. 259Wrote rhymes, sang songs, could also tell a story,
4. 260Sold pictures, and was skilful in the dance as
5. 261Italians can be, though in this their glory
6. 262Must surely yield the palm to that which France has;
7. 263In short, he was a perfect Cavaliero,
8. 264And to his very valet seemed a hero.

1. 265Then he was faithful too, as well as amorous;
2. 266So that no sort of female could complain,
3. 267Although they're now and then a little clamorous,
4. 268He never put the pretty souls in pain;
5. 269His heart was one of those which most enamour us,
6. 270Wax to receive, and marble to retain:
7. 271He was a lover of the good old school,
8. 272Who still become more constant as they cool.

1. 273No wonder such accomplishments should turn
2. 274A female head, however sage and steady--
3. 275With scarce a hope that Beppo could return,
4. 276In law he was almost as good as dead, he
5. 277Nor sent, nor wrote, nor showed the least concern,
6. 278And she had waited several years already:
7. 279And really if a man won't let us know
8. 280That he's alive, he's dead--or should be so.

1. 281Besides, within the Alps, to every woman,
2. 282(Although, God knows, it is a grievous sin,)
3. 283'Tis, I may say, permitted to have two men;
4. 284I can't tell who first brought the custom in,
5. 285But "Cavalier Serventes" are quite common,
6. 286And no one notices or cares a pin;
7. 287An we may call this (not to say the worst)
8. 288A second marriage which corrupts the first.

1. 289The word was formerly a "Cicisbeo,"
2. 290But that is now grown vulgar and indecent;
3. 291The Spaniards call the person a "Cortejo,"
4. 292For the same mode subsists in Spain, though recent;
5. 293In short it reaches from the Po to Teio,
6. 294And may perhaps at last be o'er the sea sent:
7. 295But Heaven preserve Old England from such courses!
8. 296Or what becomes of damage and divorces?

1. 297However, I still think, with all due deference
2. 298To the fair single part of the creation,
3. 299That married ladies should preserve the preference
4. 300In tête à tête or general conversation--
5. 301And this I say without peculiar reference
6. 302To England, France, or any other nation--
7. 303Because they know the world, and are at ease,
8. 304And being natural, naturally please.

1. 305'Tis true, your budding Miss is very charming,
2. 306But shy and awkward at first coming out,
3. 307So much alarmed, that she is quite alarming,
4. 308All Giggle, Blush; half Pertness, and half Pout;
5. 309And glancing at Mamma, for fear there's harm in
6. 310What you, she, it, or they, may be about:
7. 311The Nursery still lisps out in all they utter--
8. 312Besides, they always smell of bread and butter.

1. 313But "Cavalier Servente" is the phrase
2. 314Used in politest circles to express
3. 315This supernumerary slave, who stays
4. 316Close to the lady as a part of dress,
5. 317Her word the only law which he obeys.
6. 318His is no sinecure, as you may guess;
7. 319Coach, servants, gondola, he goes to call,
8. 320And carries fan and tippet, gloves and shawl.

1. 321With all its sinful doings, I must say,
2. 322That Italy's a pleasant place to me,
3. 323Who love to see the Sun shine every day,
4. 324And vines (not nailed to walls) from tree to tree
5. 325Festooned, much like the back scene of a play,
6. 326Or melodrame, which people flock to see,
7. 327When the first act is ended by a dance
8. 328In vineyards copied from the South of France.

1. 329I like on Autumn evenings to ride out,
2. 330Without being forced to bid my groom be sure
3. 331My cloak is round his middle strapped about,
4. 332Because the skies are not the most secure;
5. 333I know too that, if stopped upon my route,
6. 334Where the green alleys windingly allure,
7. 335Reeling with grapes red wagons choke the way,--
8. 336In England 'twould be dung, dust, or a dray.

1. 337I also like to dine on becaficas,
2. 338To see the Sun set, sure he'll rise to-morrow,
3. 339Not through a misty morning twinkling weak as
4. 340A drunken man's dead eye in maudlin sorrow,
5. 341But with all Heaven t'himself; the day will break as
6. 342Beauteous as cloudless, nor be forced to borrow
7. 343That sort of farthing candlelight which glimmers
8. 344Where reeking London's smoky cauldron simmers.

1. 345I love the language, that soft bastard Latin,
2. 346Which melts like kisses from a female mouth,
3. 347And sounds as if it should be writ on satin,
4. 348With syllables which breathe of the sweet South,
5. 349And gentle liquids gliding all so pat in,
6. 350That not a single accent seems uncouth,
7. 351Like our harsh northern whistling, grunting guttural,
8. 352Which we're obliged to hiss, and spit, and sputter all.

1. 353I like the women too (forgive my folly!),
2. 354From the rich peasant cheek of ruddy bronze,
3. 355And large black eyes that flash on you a volley
4. 356Of rays that say a thousand things at once,
5. 357To the high Dama's brow, more melancholy,
6. 358But clear, and with a wild and liquid glance,
7. 359Heart on her lips, and soul within her eyes,
8. 360Soft as her clime, and sunny as her skies.

1. 361Eve of the land which still is Paradise!
2. 362Italian Beauty didst thou not inspire
3. 363Raphael, who died in thy embrace, and vies
4. 364With all we know of Heaven, or can desire,
5. 365In what he hath bequeathed us?--in what guise,
6. 366Though flashing from the fervour of the Lyre,
7. 367Would words describe thy past and present glow,
8. 368While yet Canova can create below?

1. 369"England! with all thy faults I love thee still,"
2. 370I said at Calais, and have not forgot it;
3. 371I like to speak and lucubrate my fill;
4. 372I like the government (but that is not it);
5. 373I like the freedom of the press and quill;
6. 374I like the Habeas Corpus (when we've got it);
7. 375I like a Parliamentary debate,
8. 376Particularly when 'tis not too late;

1. 377I like the taxes, when they're not too many;
2. 378I like a seacoal fire, when not too dear;
3. 379I like a beef-steak, too, as well as any;
4. 380Have no objection to a pot of beer;
5. 381I like the weather,--when it is not rainy,
6. 382That is, I like two months of every year.
7. 383And so God save the Regent, Church, and King!
8. 384Which means that I like all and every thing.

1. 385Our standing army, and disbanded seamen,
2. 386Poor's rate, Reform, my own, the nation's debt,
3. 387Our little riots just to show we're free men,
4. 388Our trifling bankruptcies in the Gazette,
5. 389Our cloudy climate, and our chilly women,
6. 390All these I can forgive, and those forget,
7. 391And greatly venerate our recent glories,
8. 392And wish they were not owing to the Tories.

1. 393But to my tale of Laura,--for I find
2. 394Digression is a sin, that by degrees
3. 395Becomes exceeding tedious to my mind,
4. 396And, therefore, may the reader too displease--
5. 397The gentle reader, who may wax unkind,
6. 398And caring little for the Author's ease,
7. 399Insist on knowing what he means--a hard
8. 400And hapless situation for a Bard.

1. 401Oh! that I had the art of easy writing
2. 402What should be easy reading! could I scale
3. 403Parnassus, where the Muses sit inditing
4. 404Those pretty poems never known to fail,
5. 405How quickly would I print (the world delighting)
6. 406A Grecian, Syrian, or Assyrian tale;
7. 407And sell you, mixed with western Sentimentalism,
8. 408Some samples of the finest Orientalism.

1. 409But I am but a nameless sort of person,
2. 410(A broken Dandy lately on my travels)
3. 411And take for rhyme, to hook my rambling verse on,
4. 412The first that Walker's Lexicon unravels,
5. 413And when I can't find that, I put a worse on,
6. 414Not caring as I ought for critics' cavils;
7. 415I've half a mind to tumble down to prose,
8. 416But verse is more in fashion--so here goes!

1. 417The Count and Laura made their new arrangement,
2. 418Which lasted, as arrangements sometimes do,
3. 419For half a dozen years without estrangement;
4. 420They had their little differences, too;
5. 421Those jealous whiffs, which never any change meant;
6. 422In such affairs there probably are few
7. 423Who have not had this pouting sort of squabble,
8. 424From sinners of high station to the rabble.

1. 425But, on the whole, they were a happy pair,
2. 426As happy as unlawful love could make them;
3. 427The gentleman was fond, the lady fair,
4. 428Their chains so slight, 'twas not worth while to break them:
5. 429The World beheld them with indulgent air;
6. 430The pious only wished "the Devil take them!"
7. 431He took them not; he very often waits,
8. 432And leaves old sinners to be young ones' baits.

1. 433But they were young: Oh! what without our Youth
2. 434Would Love be! What would Youth be without Love!
3. 435Youth lends its joy, and sweetness, vigour, truth,
4. 436Heart, soul, and all that seems as from above;
5. 437But, languishing with years, it grows uncouth--
6. 438One of few things Experience don't improve;
7. 439Which is, perhaps, the reason why old fellows
8. 440Are always so preposterously jealous.

1. 441It was the Carnival, as I have said
2. 442Some six and thirty stanzas back, and so
3. 443Laura the usual preparations made,
4. 444Which you do when your mind's made up to go
5. 445To-night to Mrs. Boehm's masquerade,
6. 446Spectator, or Partaker in the show;
7. 447The only difference known between the cases
8. 448Is--here, we have six weeks of "varnished faces."

1. 449Laura, when dressed, was (as I sang before)
2. 450A pretty woman as was ever seen,
3. 451Fresh as the Angel o'er a new inn door,
4. 452Or frontispiece of a new Magazine,
5. 453With all the fashions which the last month wore,
6. 454Coloured, and silver paper leaved between
7. 455That and the title-page, for fear the Press
8. 456Should soil with parts of speech the parts of dress.

1. 457They went to the Ridotto; 'tis a hall
2. 458Where People dance, and sup, and dance again;
3. 459Its proper name, perhaps, were a masqued ball,
4. 460But that's of no importance to my strain;
5. 461'Tis (on a smaller scale) like our Vauxhall,
6. 462Excepting that it can't be spoilt by rain;
7. 463The company is "mixed" (the phrase I quote is
8. 464As much as saying, they're below your notice);

1. 465For a "mixed company" implies that, save
2. 466Yourself and friends, and half a hundred more,
3. 467Whom you may bow to without looking grave,
4. 468The rest are but a vulgar set, the Bore
5. 469Of public places, where they basely brave
6. 470The fashionable stare of twenty score
7. 471Of well-bred persons, called "The World;" but I,
8. 472Although I know them, really don't know why.

1. 473This is the case in England; at least was
2. 474During the dynasty of Dandies, now
3. 475Perchance succeeded by some other class
4. 476Of imitated Imitators:--how
5. 477Irreparably soon decline, alas!
6. 478The Demagogues of fashion: all below
7. 479Is frail; how easily the world is lost
8. 480By Love, or War, and, now and then,--by Frost!

1. 481Crushed was Napoleon by the northern Thor,
2. 482Who knocked his army down with icy hammer,
3. 483Stopped by the Elements --like a Whaler--or
4. 484A blundering novice in his new French grammar;
5. 485Good cause had he to doubt the chance of war,
6. 486And as for Fortune--but I dare not d--n her,
7. 487Because, were I to ponder to Infinity,
8. 488The more I should believe in her Divinity.

1. 489She rules the present, past, and all to be yet,
2. 490She gives us luck in lotteries, love, and marriage;
3. 491I cannot say that she's done much for me yet;
4. 492Not that I mean her bounties to disparage,
5. 493We've not yet closed accounts, and we shall see yet
6. 494How much she'll make amends for past miscarriage;
7. 495Meantime the Goddess I'll no more importune,
8. 496Unless to thank her when she's made my fortune.

1. 497To turn,--and to return;--the Devil take it!
2. 498This story slips for ever through my fingers,
3. 499Because, just as the stanza likes to make it,
4. 500It needs must be--and so it rather lingers;
5. 501This form of verse began, I can't well break it,
6. 502But must keep time and tune like public singers;
7. 503But if I once get through my present measure,
8. 504I'll take another when I'm next at leisure.

1. 505They went to the Ridotto ('tis a place
2. 506To which I mean to go myself to-morrow,
3. 507Just to divert my thoughts a little space
4. 508Because I'm rather hippish, and may borrow
5. 509Some spirits, guessing at what kind of face
6. 510May lurk beneath each mask; and as my sorrow
7. 511Slackens its pace sometimes, I'll make, or find,
8. 512Something shall leave it half an hour behind.)

1. 513Now Laura moves along the joyous crowd,
2. 514Smiles in her eyes, and simpers on her lips;
3. 515To some she whispers, others speaks aloud;
4. 516To some she curtsies, and to some she dips,
5. 517Complains of warmth, and this complaint avowed,
6. 518Her lover brings the lemonade, she sips;
7. 519She then surveys, condemns, but pities still
8. 520Her dearest friends for being dressed so ill.

1. 521One has false curls, another too much paint,
2. 522A third--where did she buy that frightful turban?
3. 523A fourth's so pale she fears she's going to faint,
4. 524A fifth's look's vulgar, dowdyish, and suburban,
5. 525A sixth's white silk has got a yellow taint,
6. 526A seventh's thin muslin surely will be her bane,
7. 527And lo! an eighth appears,--"I'll see no more!"
8. 528For fear, like Banquo's kings, they reach a score.

1. 529Meantime, while she was thus at others gazing,
2. 530Others were levelling their looks at her;
3. 531She heard the men's half-whispered mode of praising
4. 532And, till 'twas done, determined not to stir;
5. 533The women only thought it quite amazing
6. 534That, at her time of life, so many were
7. 535Admirers still,--but "Men are so debased,
8. 536Those brazen Creatures always suit their taste."

1. 537For my part, now, I ne'er could understand
2. 538Why naughty women--but I won't discuss
3. 539A thing which is a scandal to the land,
4. 540I only don't see why it should be thus;
5. 541And if I were but in a gown and band,
6. 542Just to entitle me to make a fuss,
7. 543I'd preach on this till Wilberforce and Romilly
8. 544Should quote in their next speeches from my homily.

1. 545While Laura thus was seen, and seeing, smiling,
2. 546Talking, she knew not why, and cared not what,
3. 547So that her female friends, with envy broiling,
4. 548Beheld her airs, and triumph, and all that;
5. 549And well-dressed males still kept before her filing,
6. 550And passing bowed and mingled with her chat;
7. 551More than the rest one person seemed to stare
8. 552With pertinacity that's rather rare.

1. 553He was a Turk, the colour of mahogany;
2. 554And Laura saw him, and at first was glad,
3. 555Because the Turks so much admire philogyny,
4. 556Although their usage of their wives is sad;
5. 557'Tis said they use no better than a dog any
6. 558Poor woman, whom they purchase like a pad:
7. 559They have a number, though they ne'er exhibit 'em,
8. 560Four wives by law, and concubines "ad libitum."

1. 561They lock them up, and veil, and guard them daily,
2. 562They scarcely can behold their male relations,
3. 563So that their moments do not pass so gaily
4. 564As is supposed the case with northern nations;
5. 565Confinement, too, must make them look quite palely;
6. 566And as the Turks abhor long conversations,
7. 567Their days are either passed in doing nothing,
8. 568Or bathing, nursing, making love, and clothing.

1. 569They cannot read, and so don't lisp in criticism;
2. 570Nor write, and so they don't affect the Muse;
3. 571Were never caught in epigram or witticism,
4. 572Have no romances, sermons, plays, reviews,--
5. 573In Harams learning soon would make a pretty schism,
6. 574But luckily these Beauties are no "Blues;"
7. 575No bustling Botherby have they to show 'em
8. 576"That charming passage in the last new poem:"

1. 577No solemn, antique gentleman of rhyme,
2. 578Who having angled all his life for Fame,
3. 579And getting but a nibble at a time,
4. 580Still fussily keeps fishing on, the same
5. 581Small "Triton of the minnows," the sublime
6. 582Of Mediocrity, the furious tame,
7. 583The Echo's echo, usher of the school
8. 584Of female wits, boy bards--in short, a fool!

1. 585A stalking oracle of awful phrase,
2. 586The approving "Good!" (by no means good in law)
3. 587Humming like flies around the newest blaze,
4. 588The bluest of bluebottles you e'er saw,
5. 589Teasing with blame, excruciating with praise,
6. 590Gorging the little fame he gets all raw,
7. 591Translating tongues he knows not even by letter,
8. 592And sweating plays so middling, bad were better.

1. 593One hates an author that's all author--fellows
2. 594In foolscap uniforms turned up with ink,
3. 595So very anxious, clever, fine, and jealous,
4. 596One don't know what to say to them, or think,
5. 597Unless to puff them with a pair of bellows;
6. 598Of Coxcombry's worst coxcombs e'en the pink
7. 599Are preferable to these shreds of paper,
8. 600These unquenched snuffings of the midnight taper.

1. 601Of these same we see several, and of others.
2. 602Men of the world, who know the World like Men,
3. 603Scott, Rogers, Moore, and all the better brothers,
4. 604Who think of something else besides the pen;
5. 605But for the children of the "Mighty Mother's,"
6. 606The would-be wits, and can't-be gentlemen,
7. 607I leave them to their daily "tea is ready,"
8. 608Smug coterie, and literary lady.

1. 609The poor dear Mussulwomen whom I mention
2. 610Have none of these instructive pleasant people,
3. 611And one would seem to them a new invention,
4. 612Unknown as bells within a Turkish steeple;
5. 613I think 'twould almost be worth while to pension
6. 614(Though best-sown projects very often reap ill)
7. 615A missionary author--just to preach
8. 616Our Christian usage of the parts of speech.

1. 617No Chemistry for them unfolds her gases,
2. 618No Metaphysics are let loose in lectures,
3. 619No Circulating Library amasses
4. 620Religious novels, moral tales, and strictures
5. 621Upon the living manners, as they pass us;
6. 622No Exhibition glares with annual pictures;
7. 623They stare not on the stars from out their attics,
8. 624Nor deal (thank God for that!) in Mathematics.

1. 625Why I thank God for that is no great matter,
2. 626I have my reasons, you no doubt suppose,
3. 627And as, perhaps, they would not highly flatter,
4. 628I'll keep them for my life (to come) in prose;
5. 629I fear I have a little turn for Satire,
6. 630And yet methinks the older that one grows
7. 631Inclines us more to laugh than scold, though Laughter
8. 632Leaves us so doubly serious shortly after.

1. 633Oh, Mirth and Innocence! Oh, Milk and Water!
2. 634Ye happy mixtures of more happy days!
3. 635In these sad centuries of sin and slaughter,
4. 636Abominable Man no more allays
5. 637His thirst with such pure beverage. No matter,
6. 638I love you both, and both shall have my praise:
7. 639Oh, for old Saturn's reign of sugar-candy!---
8. 640Meantime I drink to your return in brandy.

1. 641Our Laura's Turk still kept his eyes upon her,
2. 642Less in the Mussulman than Christian way,
3. 643Which seems to say, "Madam, I do you honour,
4. 644And while I please to stare, you'll please to stay."
5. 645Could staring win a woman, this had won her,
6. 646But Laura could not thus be led astray;
7. 647She had stood fire too long and well, to boggle
8. 648Even at this Stranger's most outlandish ogle.

1. 649The morning now was on the point of breaking,
2. 650A turn of time at which I would advise
3. 651Ladies who have been dancing, or partaking
4. 652In any other kind of exercise,
5. 653To make their preparations for forsaking
6. 654The ball-room ere the Sun begins to rise,
7. 655Because when once the lamps and candles fail,
8. 656His blushes make them look a little pale.

1. 657I've seen some balls and revels in my time,
2. 658And stayed them over for some silly reason,
3. 659And then I looked (I hope it was no crime)
4. 660To see what lady best stood out the season;
5. 661And though I've seen some thousands in their prime
6. 662Lovely and pleasing, and who still may please on,
7. 663I never saw but one (the stars withdrawn)
8. 664Whose bloom could after dancing dare the Dawn.

1. 665The name of this Aurora I'll not mention,
2. 666Although I might, for she was nought to me
3. 667More than that patent work of God's invention,
4. 668A charming woman, whom we like to see;
5. 669But writing names would merit reprehension,
6. 670Yet if you like to find out this fair She,
7. 671At the next London or Parisian ball
8. 672You still may mark her cheek, out-blooming all.

1. 673Laura, who knew it would not do at all
2. 674To meet the daylight after seven hours' sitting
3. 675Among three thousand people at a ball,
4. 676To make her curtsey thought it right and fitting;
5. 677The Count was at her elbow with her shawl,
6. 678And they the room were on the point of quitting,
7. 679When lo! those curséd Gondoliers had got
8. 680Just in the very place where they should not.

1. 681In this they're like our coachmen, and the cause
2. 682Is much the same--the crowd, and pulling, hauling,
3. 683With blasphemies enough to break their jaws,
4. 684They make a never intermitted bawling.
5. 685At home, our Bow-street gem'men keep the laws,
6. 686And here a sentry stands within your calling;
7. 687But for all that, there is a deal of swearing,
8. 688And nauseous words past mentioning or bearing.

1. 689The Count and Laura found their boat at last,
2. 690And homeward floated o'er the silent tide,
3. 691Discussing all the dances gone and past;
4. 692The dancers and their dresses, too, beside;
5. 693Some little scandals eke; but all aghast
6. 694(As to their palace-stairs the rowers glide)
7. 695Sate Laura by the side of her adorer,
8. 696When lo! the Mussulman was there before her!

1. 697"Sir," said the Count, with brow exceeding grave,
2. 698"Your unexpected presence here will make
3. 699It necessary for myself to crave
4. 700Its import? But perhaps 'tis a mistake;
5. 701I hope it is so; and, at once to waive
6. 702All compliment, I hope so for your sake;
7. 703You understand my meaning, or you shall."
8. 704"Sir," (quoth the Turk) "'tis no mistake at all:

1. 705"That Lady is my wife!" Much wonder paints
2. 706The lady's changing cheek, as well it might;
3. 707But where an Englishwoman sometimes faints,
4. 708Italian females don't do so outright;
5. 709They only call a little on their Saints,
6. 710And then come to themselves, almost, or quite;
7. 711Which saves much hartshorn, salts, and sprinkling faces,
8. 712And cutting stays, as usual in such cases.

1. 713She said,--what could she say? Why, not a word;
2. 714But the Count courteously invited in
3. 715The Stranger, much appeased by what he heard:
4. 716"Such things, perhaps, we'd best discuss within,"
5. 717Said he; "don't let us make ourselves absurd
6. 718In public, by a scene, nor raise a din,
7. 719For then the chief and only satisfaction
8. 720Will be much quizzing on the whole transaction."

1. 721They entered, and for Coffee called--it came,
2. 722A beverage for Turks and Christians both,
3. 723Although the way they make it's not the same.
4. 724Now Laura, much recovered, or less loth
5. 725To speak, cries "Beppo! what's your pagan name?
6. 726Bless me! your beard is of amazing growth!
7. 727And how came you to keep away so long?
8. 728Are you not sensible 'twas very wrong?

1. 729"And are you really, truly, now a Turk?
2. 730With any other women did you wive?
3. 731Is't true they use their fingers for a fork?
4. 732Well, that's the prettiest Shawl--as I'm alive!
5. 733You'll give it me? They say you eat no pork.
6. 734And how so many years did you contrive
7. 735To--Bless me! did I ever? No, I never
8. 736Saw a man grown so yellow! How's your liver?

1. 737"Beppo! that beard of yours becomes you not;
2. 738It shall be shaved before you're a day older:
3. 739Why do you wear it? Oh! I had forgot--
4. 740Pray don't you think the weather here is colder?
5. 741How do I look? You shan't stir from this spot
6. 742In that queer dress, for fear that some beholder
7. 743Should find you out, and make the story known.
8. 744How short your hair is! Lord! how grey it's grown!"

1. 745What answer Beppo made to these demands
2. 746Is more than I know. He was cast away
3. 747About where Troy stood once, and nothing stands;
4. 748Became a slave of course, and for his pay
5. 749Had bread and bastinadoes, till some bands
6. 750Of pirates landing in a neighbouring bay,
7. 751He joined the rogues and prospered, and became
8. 752A renegade of indifferent fame.

1. 753But he grew rich, and with his riches grew so
2. 754Keen the desire to see his home again,
3. 755He thought himself in duty bound to do so,
4. 756And not be always thieving on the main;
5. 757Lonely he felt, at times, as Robin Crusoe,
6. 758And so he hired a vessel come from Spain,
7. 759Bound for Corfu: she was a fine polacca,
8. 760Manned with twelve hands, and laden with tobacco.

1. 761Himself, and much (heaven knows how gotten!) cash,
2. 762He then embarked, with risk of life and limb,
3. 763And got clear off, although the attempt was rash;
4. 764He said that Providence protected him--
5. 765For my part, I say nothing--lest we clash
6. 766In our opinions:--well--the ship was trim,
7. 767Set sail, and kept her reckoning fairly on,
8. 768Except three days of calm when off Cape Bonn.

1. 769They reached the Island, he transferred his lading,
2. 770And self and live stock to another bottom,
3. 771And passed for a true Turkey-merchant, trading
4. 772With goods of various names--but I've forgot 'em.
5. 773However, he got off by this evading,
6. 774Or else the people would perhaps have shot him;
7. 775And thus at Venice landed to reclaim
8. 776His wife, religion, house, and Christian name.

1. 777His wife received, the Patriarch re-baptised him,
2. 778(He made the Church a present, by the way;)
3. 779He then threw off the garments which disguised him,
4. 780And borrowed the Count's smallclothes for a day:
5. 781His friends the more for his long absence prized him,
6. 782Finding he'd wherewithal to make them gay,
7. 783With dinners, where he oft became the laugh of them,
8. 784For stories--but I don't believe the half of them.

1. 785Whate'er his youth had suffered, his old age
2. 786With wealth and talking made him some amends;
3. 787Though Laura sometimes put him in a rage,
4. 788I've heard the Count and he were always friends.
5. 789My pen is at the bottom of a page,
6. 790Which being finished, here the story ends:
7. 791'Tis to be wished it had been sooner done,
8. 792But stories somehow lengthen when begun.